What's to Say I'm Happy?
by Cold-Lover
Summary: It wasn't the same kind of happiness where you would jump, and possibly scream, out of pure joy like you would if you won the lottery and what not. DuckSushi.


**A/N:** This pair is really underrated so thought I should share some love ~

It's set when they are older so there might be some OOC-ness happening - but not much because they don't have much character development. Gah, it's saddening. I want more from them!

**Warning**: Just some innocent BL

**Disclaimer:** Prince of Tennis and these boys do not belong to me

* * *

Atsushi wondered if he actually deserved this ounce of happiness that was thrown his way for once in his life.

It wasn't the same kind of happiness where you would jump and possibly scream out of pure joy like you would if you won the lottery and what not. No, this situation was more serene and calm. It was something like treasuring the time you had with the person you love…who doesn't love you back. A one-sided feeling on your part, but as you spend more time with that one special person, you couldn't help but feel a little bit happy. Atsushi didn't take the moment for granted at all, knowing that this moment would not last forever – though he desperately wished it did – and tried taking it all in as much as he could.

"Hey, you daydreamin' or what?"

A hand waving in front of his face broke his concentration and he snapped back to his senses, turning to face his friend who looked slightly worried. Atsushi smiled and nodded his head. "I guess I was, huh?"

Shinya raised a brow in slight confusion, but decided not to question the boy any further. Atsushi was usually off spacing out anyway, so this kind of thing was not unusual. Besides, he looked pretty happy in his little dream world so Shinya didn't really need to interrupt his moment of bliss. However, it would be a lie if he said he wasn't curious. "What were you thinking about?"

Atsushi blinked at the sudden question, slightly surprised, before grinning cheekily at Shinya. "You."

Of all the replies that Shinya thought the other boy would come up with, he really didn't expect that one. "W-what?" He was suddenly quiet, his face slowing burning as if it was caught on fire. "Don't tell me y-you…"

"Yup! Witnessing you dance like a madman across the school grounds with that cute pink tutu on probably was one of the best memories in my life." Atsushi smiled devilishly this time, he couldn't help himself. Wasn't teasing your crush a part of the '_guidebook for love'_ anyways?

"I KNEW IT!" Shinya abruptly stood up from the bench where they were sitting at and grabbed a fistful of his friend's shirt, shaking the boy back and forth while his face was burning up with sheer embarrassment. "I told you to wipe that memory from the face of the earth! That incident was NEVER to be brought up again. At all! Never! And you know that was a dare, da ne!"

Between each line came massive babbling mixed with anxiety and slight anguish. It was a pretty traumatizing event, especially with the whole school witnessing the whole ordeal, but Atsushi had to admit that it must've took a lot of guts on Shinya's part to do something that humiliating in public. Atsushi was unable to understand properly after the first few words and felt a bit apologetic, so he opted to pat his friend's back reassuringly as he chuckled softly. "Okay, alright, I won't do it again. I'm sorry Shinya, don't be mad…"

Shinya stopped his bawling. Reducing it to mere sniffles, he focused on glaring at his friend's face instead. He released the shirt he was clutching onto and straightened up with a couple of fake coughs, trying to regain his composure. Atsushi felt his hand slowly slip away from Shinya's broad back, and once again in his life, he felt regret and disappointment wash over him.

Shinya stood there somewhat anxiously, but he covered it up with a breathy sigh, followed up by brushing his brown, curly hair back with one hand in attempt to look suave and poised. "So um, mind if you forgot that messy scene right now too?" Shinya asked as smoothly as he could. "It would be bad for my image, ya know?"

Atsushi glanced at Shinya and smiled before it broke into a chuckle. "Didn't you already ruin your so called image in front of me?"

"Are you an idiot?" Shinya rolled his eyes as if the question was the stupidest thing that anyone could ever ask. Atsushi wondered if he should be offended or not. "You're different from everyone else."

"…Only me?" Atsushi made a face as he felt something churning inside him, but chose to ignore it. The perplexed expression was only there for a split second – too fast for Shinya, or anyone for that matter, to see and comment on. Skilfully, like he had always done in the past and even now, Atsushi masked his feelings with a puzzled expression. "Oh, how so?"

"You're really dense sometimes, Atsu." Shinya sighed and shook his head, causing the person in question to be a bit irked.

Atsushi slightly frowned as the feelings he kept so well hidden were beginning to resurface again – this time with a hint of resentment. _I really don't want to hear that coming from you._

Shinya continued with his lecture. "Seriously, dane. You've been my best friend for how long? For these past few years we've spent together, I must've done more stupid things than I could even count."

Atsushi didn't disagree. The fact that he made a fool out of himself a couple of times in public was not rare – the tutu incident was just one of the more severe ones. He remembered during their first year in high school, there was a pie-eating contest and Shinya insisted on joining. Not only did he lose six dollars for the entrance fee, but he stopped midway to declare he needed to go to the washroom. He didn't really come back, causing people to think he had a weak stomach (though he kept insisting there were laxatives in the pies). Atsushi had to take care of him when he was sick in bed for the rest of the week.

There was also another time where he was mistaken for a gangster (due to his out-dated yakuza hair style he refused to grow out of) and was attacked by a kid who wanted to protect his area from supposed "bad guys". At that time, after clearing the misunderstanding, Atsushi couldn't suppress the laughter he built up from that incident and was later caught in a head-lock where Shinya refused to let go unless there was an apology. When people heard about it, they told him to change his look if he didn't want to face that sort of situation again. Shinya started wondering if he really should change his style, but Atsushi said he liked it the way it was.

Shinya didn't change it.

Then there was that moment when Shinya confessed to everyone that he was dating, and they all laughed at him because honestly, who would ever manage to believe that there was a girl who would be with a guy like him? Atsushi had listened to the scepticism and was annoyed. Sure, Shinya wouldn't be considered the most handsome guy you'll ever meet in your entire life, but he wasn't an unlikeable person. The two of them hanged out a couple of times, and Shinya always knew how to have fun and make him laugh like an idiot, something he wouldn't be caught dead doing in public. He was fun to be around with, and your day would never be dull if he was your company. As a matter of fact, it was something about Shinya's cheery and simple-minded ways that could draw a person in, once they overlook his obvious faults and shortcomings. Truthfully, Atsushi didn't believe this dating nonsense either because Shinya never mentioned anything about this situation to him, his best friend, the one that's supposed to be the closest to him. So Atsushi was blinded to believe that Shinya was just trying to show off and brag, given his personality and all.

Little did he know that there was someone other than him who would fall for Shinya's charm and character after all.

"Hey, earth to Atsu."

A hand waved in front of his face for the second time this day, causing him to focus back to the person who was standing in front of him, looking a bit displeased. "Don't go on a flashback reel now or I might have to spazz out on you again."

Atsushi laughed lightly. "Sure, sure."

"This is serious, so listen to me!" Shinya pointed accusingly to the other boy.

"I'm listening." Atsushi leaned back on the bench, amused. "So I'm special cause I'm your best friend, you've done a bunch of stupid things in front of me, I know that much, and so …?"

Shinya snickered. "Since when have you become so smug?"

"Always was," Atsushi smirked. "You know me."

"Indeed I do." Shinya replied, rolling his eyes once more. Tired of standing, he flopped onto the bench and leaned all the way back, watching the other person from the corner of his eye. He didn't continue elaborating whatever he was going to say – more like, he strangely stopped talking altogether. Atsushi stilled from the close proximity and opted to stare at some pigeons flocked to one side of the park instead, as it was the most amusing thing to watch in the world at that moment. It was quiet for a while, as no one tried to initiate the conversation.

That was until Shinya unexpectedly spoke up.

"Do you think I'm cool?" It was a simple question, more so casual than not, which left Atsushi confused. That was another thing that Shinya was good at doing, making the other party follow his pace and cause them to be utterly lost at the conversation because at some point, he would start saying things so absurd that it would leave the most cunning person wondering what the whole purpose was, if there even was one.

"Are you trying to get me to compliment you?" Atsushi asked curiously.

"Do you always have to be so cynical about everything?" Shinya replied with a question of his own. He looked at the ground, twiddling his fingers somewhat dejectedly. "You know, because you always see me do stupid things, I wanted to look cool or amazing to you at least once or twice."

Atsushi didn't know how to take that statement as and just resorted to staring blankly at his friend. He felt suddenly uncomfortable as his insides started stirring up again. "…Why do you need to impress me for?"

"It's just..." Shinya trailed, trying to find the right words to say. That was a good question, why would he want to impress Atsushi of all people for? He knew he had the answer somewhere in his mind, but it was stuck in a rut, or some unwanted pothole in the brain, and refused to budge. That was funny, he didn't have an answer to his own question. "Like I said, my image. I've got a reputation to uphold," Shinya followed it up with something that just popped up in his mind, not really sure if that made any sense either. "Even to you."

Atsushi looked doubtful. "I thought you said I was different from everyone else."

"Yeah, well, because you're my friend, I obviously want you to think I'm awesome." Shinya shrugged. "Doesn't matter what strangers think about me anyways," he momentarily paused and then grinned. "But it doesn't hurt to be praised and appreciated by them though."

Atsushi was silent, unable to process anything for a moment before releasing an amused sigh. "Nice ego, I didn't know you became such a narcissist, Shinya."

Shinya scoffed. "I'm not like Hyotei's captain, alright? My character is way better, da ne."

Atsushi shook his head disapprovingly. "Like I said, narcissist."

"You give the harshest remarks sometimes, honestly," Shinya threw an arm over his eyes to block the sunlight radiating on them. "It burns even more than the sun."

Atsushi flashed a sly grin. "I'm just awesome that way."

Shinya gave him an incredulous look while Atsushi smiled in return. Somehow, he was unknowingly captivated. "…I guess you are."

Atsushi's smile faltered ever so slightly, but it went unnoticed. Without another thought, he pushed himself off the bench and stood up, turning around to face Shinya.

"Come on let's go," Atsushi offered his hand." Your girlfriend is going to get annoyed if you spend too much time on our little man-date instead of tending to her."

Shinya blinked, as if he was unable to say anything, before lying back on the bench and waving the suggestion off. "She doesn't mind, and there's nothing wrong with hanging out with you."

Atsushi stood where he was and contemplated thoughtfully. "Hey…" he started slowly, not knowing if he should be asking or not. He glanced at Shinya to see him spaced out, as if deep in thought, and decided this was for the best. If he wouldn't ask, who would?

"Are you guys… fighting or something?"

"No." It was a quick and sharp reply, and it didn't satisfy Atsushi one bit.

"It looks like it to me." Atsushi pressed on, for some reason feeling hopeful. He hated this part of himself, hated it so much.

"It's not really that." Shinya looked away, not making eye contact.

"Then why…"

"We broke it off. Peacefully, that is, so there's no fighting or anything like that."

_So that's why._

Atsushi was wondering why Shinya was standing unexpectedly at his doorstop that morning, greeting him a bit more cheerful than usual and spontaneously asking him to hang out for no particular reason. Atsushi was suspicious at first and wondered if he should've inquired more, but he was too happy to see his friend again to bother about the small details.

If only he asked, if only he knew before hand – he wouldn't even agree to come along.

Shinya didn't say any more after that and Atsushi did not bother to ask any further because he just couldn't. Why? Why did part of him feel so relieved, as if a heavy chain that has been wrapped around him has finally been lifted? He was undeniably at a sudden ease, but at the same time, he was thoroughly disgusted at himself. Here he was, seeing his crestfallen friend break up with the girl who he truly loved, and he was fucking happy about it.

Hitomi was a nice girl. She was an easy-going person who was loyal and trustworthy, a bit on the feisty side, but she was the type who would never do anything to hurt anyone. Even though she had her own flaws, she was not a bad person – she wasn't, and Atsushi forced himself to keep thinking that because for some reason, he could never bring himself to really like her.

Atsushi grimaced, plastering a bitter expression. He knew. He knew the reason alright, and he wasn't about to expose it anytime either. He didn't want to push any suffering on Shinya, or make him even more distressed over a stupid matter that he shouldn't be bothered about in the first place. He deserved so much better.

"Shinya…" Atsushi sat down next to his friend again and looked at him with a light-hearted expression. "Let's play tennis."

Shinya raised a brow. "Tennis?" he sounded dubious for a split second. "We haven't played since middle school."

"Your point?" Atsushi retorted rather simply.

Shinya grinned. "Don't have one. Let's go, da ne!"

Sweating, running, bouncing yellow balls, thinking of techniques and methods to beat the opponent – all of these factors served as a distraction to ease his mind for a while, and he hoped it was working for Shinya as well. Both players were a bit rusty at first, but soon they began to remember the swings they've practiced so painstakingly in the past, the precise timing and accurate shots that were made, all the harsh training they've received from their manager, and most of all – the thrill for playing the sport. It was even more exciting to face off against a former doubles partner, as they use to work as a team to defeat their opponents. Now, it's all but heated competition and determination to defeat one another.

It ended in Atsushi's win, but he was more than worn out by the time the whole match was finished. They were both breathless as they lay on the tennis courts, trying to regain some energy back, as well as taking the chance to rest for a bit. Without realizing it, they were playing non-stop and were whipping the ball back and forth without thinking about the time, or anything at all for that matter. They only focused on the game, and only on the game.

"I ..want a...rematch… da ne." Atsushi heard Shinya mumble incoherently from the other side of the net that divided to two from each other.

He smiled faintly. "Sore loser…" Atsushi responded. It was then that he heard some shuffling coming from the other side, but was too tired to even care what Shinya was up to. Maybe he was going to pelt a tennis ball at him?

"Atsushi."

Someone familiar called his name, and he was forced to open his eyes that he had unknowingly closed. It was then that Atsushi suddenly found himself staring straight into clear, chocolate brown eyes. His breath hitched.

"Shinya," he uttered tensely, unable to look away from the other's gaze. "You're way too close for comfort."

"Atsushi," Shinya started again, this time unwavering. "I think I love you."

It was a casual delivery – something you would hear from a third-rate actor in some cheap Asian drama. Heck, it wasn't even a straightforward confession. Maybe it wasn't even a confession. Platonic love? Is that what it was? He's feeling weak and vulnerable after breaking up, so he's just looking for some affection, isn't it? What if it was something more, it might be. Couldn't it be? Why can't it be? Why can't it be…

Atsushi was positive he was thinking a thousand miles per hour but he knew Shinya better than that. He was the one who was afraid, and he was the one who was unable to accept it properly. He knew Shinya had no idea of his feelings, so there was no way he would know how much those simple words pierced through his heart and made him completely and utterly pissed.

"Yeah, I love you too." Atsushi meant to make it sounds sarcastic, but it came out as resentful and maybe even a bit hateful. He mentally slapped himself and tried again, this time sitting up so as to not feel incredibly awkward having his friend hovering above him like that. He was careful to not let any unwanted feelings rise, and also hoped that Shinya didn't catch the animosity that unintentionally slipped. "You're my closest friend and, I'll admit you are sometimes cool." Atsushi was suddenly conscious of what he just said and slightly flushed. "Don't let it get to your head, alright?"

"…Seriously?" Atsushi saw hopeful, wanting eyes glued to him, not once looking away. Was that his imagination? He didn't like where this was going at all. "You really mean it?" Shinya prodded almost pleadingly.

"Um…sorry to sound redundant, but…" Atsushi swallowed, suddenly feeling apprehensive, as his body started to shake on its own – he couldn't stop. "What kind of… love, are you talking about?"

Shinya was quiet for a bit, before raising his head and staring straight at him once again. "The type where I can't stop thinking about you, being near you makes me really _really_ happy, and all I want to do is push you down and kiss you senseless." He smiled sheepishly. "I must be crazy, huh?"

"…You're insane." It was the best Atsushi could come up with, because he had no idea how to deal with this. Not at all. "Shinya, you're confused." He hoped his voice didn't betray him. "You're thinking weird things because you just broke up…"

Shinya didn't retort back, or make some sort of sarcastic remark like Atsushi hoped he would – hoping that this was just some stupid joke to get back at him. But at this moment, Shinya looked completely serious. Without saying anything, Shinya rested his hand on top of his former doubles partner and smiled. It looked sullen.

"Thought you would say that," Shinya said, almost like a whisper. He looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he laughed lightly. "She said I liked you."

Atsushi stared back blankly. He didn't understand. "What?"

"Hitomi, she said I liked you." Shinya slightly paused, taking that chance to look at Atsushi – his expression unreadable, maybe somewhat stunned._ Cute_. "She's right, you know."

"I don't...get you." Atsushi said exasperatedly. "Just because some girl tells you that you like someone, doesn't mean it's true. That could be an excuse to break up with you for all you know and-!" Atsushi stopped dead in his tracks when he realized what he just blurted out and cringed. "That was uncalled for, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." All the emotional build-up was getting to him, and that wasn't good. He needed to escape, and fast.

"Hitomi is not like that, and you know it." Shinya spoke gently, something Atsushi never thought he could do, especially with his notorious label as _'the loud and talkative rebel'_. Atsushi was uncontrollably fascinated and at the same time, unbearably envious of her, yet again. "I started thinking about you even before she found out," Shinya continued, not letting his friend have a chance to get away. "To be honest, you were always on my mind even before I started going out."

_Selfish jerk. Selfish, selfish jerk._

"Aren't you scared? Didn't you think that maybe our friendship would end if you say something careless like that? Did you think that at all?" Atsushi snapped back, unable to contain his anger. Of all the years he held himself back, worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong, Shinya was able to say it so easily just like that.

"I was scared," Shinya said. "And I did think about all of that, that's why I couldn't bring myself to say it until now," he looked pensive again, and then grinned. "But because it was you, I knew it was going to be all right even if you didn't feel the same."

Atsushi grimaced. _Idiot._ Shinya had so much trust in him, and only an idiot could do something like that. His amazing, freaking loveable idiot.

"You really are insane." Atsushi smiled genuinely this time, unable to think straight anymore. "I don't get you at all."

Hesitantly, he raised a hand and slowly wrapped it around Shinya's neck. Without a second thought, Atsushi pulled him forward, making their lips crash into a rough, messy kiss. Shinya was profoundly stunned at the sudden action, but he melted into the contact and made it worth the while.

Right now Atsushi was confused and bewildered, not knowing where this was going to lead or even how this was going to end. Hell, he didn't even remember how something like this could've happen in the first place, and why he would even allow it. There was still so much emotional baggage welling up inside, so much uncertainty to deal with – but at this point, he didn't give a damn anymore. Right now, he was too happy to care. It was that kind of happiness where he just wanted to scream and jump for joy, like winning the jackpot at a casino, but even better.

No, it was much, much better because…he had just managed to win someone's heart.


End file.
